In ferns, eucalyptus trees and redwoods,
A cold morning haze, early light and silence,
You were addressed and remembered well
Heard a heartbeat and it rang like a bell
Pacing past Pacific beside me
Early evening fog– I wonder if you’ve seen this
Dinner with an empty seat, wine dry like a bone
You make that face and laugh at this shell of an abalone
The cliffside hides a jagged shoreline
A handful bathes– you’re right, nothing has changed
A giant, rocky, knife fights the waters
I see why you came, that it took you and I feel exactly the same
I have this map of where I think you’ve been,
Retracing your steps somehow tames the din
I wonder if you’ve been here, a spot on soiled cloth–
A scattering of garlic skins fluttering like moths
I get it now — your brother was right —
“like an open nerve,” I remember the fights.
I get it now, the things that you’d feign
but real anger inside grew
and before you the blame.
I get it now — your brother was right —
I see you with me, I interpret your life.
I get it now, the thing you couldn't tame:
when your body betrayed you
and everyone came.
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